Posts Tagged ‘anthony guajardo’

Breaking the Chief: Piggies Under Attack

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

People often remark I look tired, stressed, overworked…scattered. I try to tell them it isn’t my fault! Yes, I work hard, don’t sleep enough and have waaaay too much to do…but what really gets me? Is the universe’s craptastically odd sense of humor. I submit my evidence for the day.

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In the last year and a half I have been attacked by Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, a duo of grabby-feely aliens who strolled into a Marriot hotel bar, a vampire in a top hat and a group of over-enthusiastic Jedi Knights that were hell-bent on presenting me with a light saber. I’ve even weathered a duct tape attack by Michael Rooker, a katana swipe by Anthony Guajardo and a chokehold by Norman Reedus…but I guess I asked for those. People who spend enough time around me almost always feel compelled to head to the nearest store for duct tape. Don’t ask.

Yes, my life as the Commander in Chief of the Zombie Survival Crew definitely has its’ moments. When the adventures do not include possible threats to my physical well-being I actually quite enjoy them.

And seeing as I’ve survived thus far…they all get filed away in the “funny little stories” department at Zombie Survival Crew Command. Usually to be pulled out by other commanders (*points at LK Gardner-Griffie*) at the precise moment when they’re likely to cause me the most chagrin.

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But being the Chief also has its perks, or so I thought as I surveyed the gathering at IronE Singleton’s house this past weekend for the Season 3 premiere of AMC’s mega-hit The Walking Dead. I mean, T-Dog was in the house!!!!! Literally! And they had red, black and gray-colored M&Ms in a serving bowl with skeleton-hand handles—it doesn’t get any better than that! Although the deviled eggs covered in paprika and some funky onion thing I couldn’t identify were so flippin’ tasty I did hang just a tad too close, for too long, to the serving area to be decent. Right. Not creepy at all. Anyway…

The best part was watching the premiere with a group of people who obviously love the show as much as I do. It made a very nice change from my normal routine—which involves me, in my bed, under the blankets, cringing, shouting like a maniac at the TV at regular intervals…and hoping the neighbors don’t decide to call the police. The assembly screamed encouragement as T-Dog put a fire poker through a walker’s face, cringed as the survivor group fought its’ way into the prison, gagged and choked as Hershel underwent an impromptu operation and roared with approval when the final scene ended.

The Walking Dead not only delivered, the show hit it so far out of the park it’ll be well into 2013 before anyone can even think of recovering that ball!

And that’s when it all went south…

You see they had this cool photo shoot area set up where people were taking pictures with IronE and Michael Rooker, who had shown up to turn the party on its ear with his fantastic running commentary during the premiere. I figured this was my chance to get a nice professional-type photo with two men I admire as actors and adore as people.

But Michael decided he wasn’t happy with our outfits and proceeded to make some changes. During the melee that ensued, IronE got to keep his shoes, but I lost mine and my carefully coiffed hairdo went the way of the dodo. My picture ended up being comprised of one giggling thespian, a bad ass and someone who looks like she fell off the back of a potato truck! You know? If you sing that refrain to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas, it kind of works. Just sayin’….

Until next time…carry anti-bacterial hand soap, avoid sidewalk creatures and never get near a video camera if I’m in the vicinity.

They call me “The Pokarina”

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

For some time now I have been searching for an adequate way to explain why I disappeared from my personal blog for so long. The reason, put simply, is zombies. But somehow, that single word just doesn’t quite capture the insanity of the last few months.

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It started back in November 2010 when I claimed I’m not crazy, but my zombie crew may be and strategized the kinds of skill sets a survivors’ crew would really need to survive the Zombieapocalypse. The response was overwhelming.

In a few short weeks, I created an official command structure and gathered a formidable force of co-Commanders that includes Norman Reedus, Jinxie G, Anthony Guajardo, Irone Singleton, RC Murphy and LK Gardner-Griffie to help lead the official Zombie Survival Crew.

Over the last few months – as the Command crew has traveled around the U.S. (and virtually around the world) to recruit crew members – we’ve been attacked repeatedly by Jason Voorhees, crossed light sabers with a half-dozen Jedis and realized that having a solid plan for a zombie infestation, earthquake or manmade disaster and the crew to back it up is something that many people take very seriously.

As a result, everyone in Command has been working like mad (on top of their normal day job responsibilities) to make the Zombie Survival Crew a space where horror fans, survivalists, authors, artists, the socially conscious and those who need some help in formulating a solid plan can come together and plan to survive.

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It’s not easy. And it certainly generates a massive amount of stress – and, sometimes, keeps me away from my favorite little writing nook, this blog. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I love every crazy over-caffeinated second of it! But sometimes (well, a lot of the time actually) I release some of the stress by engaging in “poke wars” with friends on Facebook.

Little did I know that all the poking would result in the most sublime assessment thus far of what my life is like as commander in chief of the Zombie Survival Crew, compliments of my poke buddy and proud Zombie Survival Crew brigade member Jennifer Curry (a.k.a. @jennlynn77).

She calls me the Pokarina and crafted the following in my honor. (Try humming the song, “Escape” …you know, The Pina Colada Song, as you read)

If you like Pina Coladas…and getting POKED in the rain…If you’re really into zombies…if you can shoot them in the brain…If you like coffee at midnight…in the light of the Con…then she’s the one that you’ve searched for…come poke her and escape. 😉

So know you all know why I’ve been so quiet around here in recent months. It was, hopefully, a temporary absence and I’m chomping at the bit (no zombie pun intended I swear) to get back to human rights, environmental topics and vampires.

But if you come knocking and I don’t appear to be around?

Well that just means I’m out slaying zombies…

Not quite the stalker I hoped for…

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

 

Not by choice I have been relatively quiet lately here on my blog … and I thought it was about time you all learned the truth. [I have omitted names to protect the innocent from being targeted.]

Just about two months ago, a crossbow-wielding zombie-killin’ actor jumped on my blog and left a comment alongside his The Walking Dead cast mates to join my crazy zombie crew, unleashing pandemonium in my email inbox and twitter DM stream.

I noticed an immediate uptick in the hits on my blog. Yeah, big surprise, right?!? Not… He is a “Saint” after all.

I railed at the “Unnamed Secret Government Agency” in my tweets as the assaults intensified and The Walking Dead slowly but surely overran my life … with some help from the Unnamed Secret Government Agency’s army of #zombietermites

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But over the next few days I noticed the same IP address hitting my blog every few minutes, hitting on that same post repeatedly, over, and over, and over, and over, and …. You get the picture.

At first I laughed. Then I got creeped out.

My TBFF suggested I put it out on Twitter and see if we couldn’t identify the “loser” who was living on my blog.

So I did.

Nobody responded.

The IP address kept hitting that same page over and over and over again.

Another Twitter friend DMd to ask me what was going on. I didn’t realize at the time that this person also happens to be a tech-genius. She did some digging and came back with some disturbing news …

The IP address?

Belongs to a government agency…unnamed by the information we could find.

 

Yep. You read it right …. I actually did bring the unnamed secret government agency down on my head with a little help from you-know-who.

[After an initial, and rather amusing, bout of panic that included me swearing quite profusely and running around in circles another tech-wizard friend pointed out that it was probably just an automatic program that latched on to a key word and I could definitely un-board the doors and windows.]

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I checked a few days ago and it was still happening with frightening regularity. Now that I have written this post (and am preparing to hit publish) I just don’t have it in me to go and check again.

If I disappear in the days or weeks following publication I will leave it to my beloved Zombie Survival Crew to come and find me. Please?

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A Vato for all Seasons

Monday, December 27th, 2010

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First time I ever laid eyes on Anthony Guajardo he was covered in tattoos and calling everybody “puto.” Little did I know at the time that beneath The Walking Dead grime of a character named Miguel dwelt a young actor with a heart of gold.

 

As many of my regular readers know, Anthony has since come onboard as a co-captain of the Zombie Survival Crew, issuing video dispatches from the ZSC Command Center for the brigades.

The truth is there’s a lot more to this intelligent, engaged teenage actor from San Antonio, TX than zombies and temporary tattoos. I asked Anthony to make an appearance here to talk about something besides walkers and share his hopes for 2011.

Somehow I convinced Anthony to take me on essay style in a battle to the death of his fingers …. He gets points for bravery, especially after what happened to IronE “T-Dog” Singleton when he decided to take on the crew!

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BUAHahaha HUMBUG

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

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Anybody who follows me as @jterzieff on twitter (and really? If you’re not, what are you waiting for?) or reads this blog on any sort of the regular basis knows that I was overrun by the shambling hordes after I publicly admitted to having a zombie crew pre-arranged to ensure survival during a zombiepocalypse.

To keep the rotting corpses from pulling me under – and because the strategy sessions were off the hook – I decided, with a few trusty co-captains, to make Zombie Survival Crew official.

Just in the last few days we have thrown open the doors to the ZSC Command Center to begin worldwide recruitment.

But amidst all the plotting, planning, weapons practice and survival supply procurement, I discovered there is a price to pay for being ready to survive a global cataclysmic event.  

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Sleep deprivation.

 

We’re talking walking into walls, spill coffee down your shirt, call people by the wrong names, fall asleep standing up in the shower…. sleep deprivation.

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Betting on a squirrel toss? Whodda thunk?

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

 Top Moments of The Walking Dead Season 1

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It’s over. (*sobs*) And now fans of The Walking Dead are left to ponder and pine for almost a year before we get to see Rick Grimes and crew decapitate more zombies.

Anyone who was on twitter the night of the finale got to laugh, squeal, shake their head as I bit my finger bloody through the explosive last episode.

I got so thoroughly over-excited that had it not been for faithful #zombiesurvivalcrew members @PatriciaIVicens, @jogden38 and @creativeconduit I would have missed the code to enter for the shamble on role – thank you again ladies!

Our only solace in the immediate aftermath of the finale was the generosity of IronE Singleton – a.k.a. TDog – our #zombiesurvivalcrew co-captain, who came on to the blog and answered all our questions with a depth of sincerity that was astounding.

I ended up having to go back and watch the finale two more times before I was even able to begin processing what I actually saw. Sitting down to think about it after, I began running through my

 top moments of season one

 

Here is where I landed ….

1 – Rick & Glenn take a walk –

Anyone who wasn’t shaking on their couch when walker-goo-covered Rick & Glenn took a horrifying walk through Atlanta’s zombie-infested streets just simply isn’t human. This was the epitome of (fictional) bravery and left many of us watchers wondering – could we do the same?

This was the perfect example of what it would take from each individual to survive a zombie apocalypse, and if you can’t hack it – you’ll be meat.

2 – Dale & Andrea –

A lot of people have asked and here is the answer. The scene near the finale’s end when Dale makes his amazing sacrifice was the moment my finger began to bleed. If the interplay between this loving, wise, generous father figure and the “daughter” he’s devoted to had gotten any more real I probably would have ended up in the hospital.

It’s moments like this that will carry The Walking Dead forward. And, yes, I know that death stalks them all, but I’m hoping Darabont, Kirkman and crew will keep this kind of character interaction very much alive.

3 – Daryl’s Squirrel toss –

Daryl had the best entrance of all the characters (with the exception of maybe Glenn). Three plus weeks later I’m still trying to figure out my favorite part. It’s a hard choice, because everything in that sequence was sublime — from the squirrel toss and the illegal choke hold, to “C’mon people, what the hell?!? It’s gotta be the brain. Dontcha all know nothin’?!?” and tears for his brother.

In the span of just a couple minutes The Walking Dead gave us a multi-dimensional character you just knew you were going to love to hate.  This was refreshing compared to the very one-dimensional introductions we received to most of the other characters. And, of course, it wasn’t much of a surprise that Daryl quickly became a fan favorite.

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Zombie War of the Sexes

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

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One of my favorite scenes in AMC’s new hit The Walking Dead involves a group of women sitting by the water, washing laundry and conversing in the easy banter of eternal sisterhood. The scene is timeless. It could be a group of women from any culture, speaking any language. It just rings true.

Their banter is heartwarming …. and, ummmmm, well?

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“I miss my vibrator.”

 

CLASSIC.

… And judging from the types of men likely to be available (more on this in a later post), I’m gonna say your friendly neighborhood vibrator is a packing necessity

*runs to make a quick addition to pre-packed disaster bag*

 

In the subsequent episode two of the survivor group’s women provide a tasty meal – after having gone fishing for the day.

That started me thinking … I know, I know, “uh-oh”

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What is it about women that would make us more likely to survive in a zombie apocalypse?

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I’m not crazy, but my zombie crew may be …

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Advance apologies to any first time readers.

 

If you run away screaming and never come back, I get it, I understand ….

 

That being said?

 

If you decide to do so, please do not expect me to include you when the zombie apocalypse unfolds and my #zombiesurvivalcrew is headed for a pre-planned safe harbor.

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As my regular readers know AMC’s new show The Walking Dead has already caused me some consternation following a truly disturbing reenactment of a recurring nightmare I have.

Now that we’re headed to the back end of a painfully short season, I find the show is forcing me to reevaluate the composition of my Zombie Survival Crew.

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The Background:

I am not crazy. Odd? Maybe. Crazy? No.

I am a former foreign war correspondent with SAS-run combat training, writer of both fiction and nonfiction, and an avid monster freak from birth.  Zombies may not attack tomorrow, but it never hurts to be prepared for an emergency, so yes, *puts hands on hips and glares* I DO have a zombie survival plan.

I am also a great believer in the power each one of us has individually to act humanely towards one another regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or otherwise – and have repeatedly endorsed cooperation and self-sufficiency as keys to surviving a zombie apocalypse (or massive natural disaster or man-made attack).

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The Roster:

  • Me (hey, it’s my crew, so yeah, I get listed first)
  • A former Army medic
  • A colleague who is survivalist that can build a log cabin or grow food in any climate
  • A fellow writer who is quite well trained on using knives and swords
  • A pilot (a cashier at my local Blockbuster who initially, but politely, ran away from me when I told him my plan)
  • An engineer
  • Another writer who excels in double fudge brownie making, who would likely become trip-her-to-escape nominee number one for my third writer friend on the crew

 

That was until The Walking Dead came into play …

Lesson 1: Ya need a redneck, y’all

Now I know I saw an interview somewhere with Norman Reedus – who plays the squirrel tossing Daryl Dixon — where he joked he would likely curl up in a ball and cry if the zombie hordes began shambling down the street.

So, that means I have to go with Michael Rooker – who plays Merle, Daryl’s tough-as-nails brother – as my resident redneck tough guy. Ummm, yeah, Rooker is playing a character, of course, but the man was born in Alabama, has known hardship and has that look in his eyes – so I’m going to run with it.

Now that’s not to say I wouldn’t save a space for Norman on the bus – especially if he brings his crossbow. (Hey all the Boondock Saints weapons work has got to mean something, right?)

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NORMAN IS IN!!!!

He even begged a little, tho he DEFinitely didn’t have to!! or wait, maybe that was the other way round … (see the comment section for his actual post but here it is!!)

From Norman: im in let me in . i got skills . i eat just about anything . ha . oh yeah and im tuff.

Thanks man!!!

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