I can’t even begin to count the times I’ve wondered why in the name of all that is good and great in the world The Walking Dead production team makes all these handsome actors look like crap. Not that we don’t like the sweaty look, but they all look like they’ve just survived an apocalypse. Ummmm … yeah, about that.
Andrew Lincoln? IronE Singleton? Jon Bernthal?
(and yes, yes, YES, I hear ya screamin’…)
Norman “badass” Reedus?!?!?!
Talk about taking the, uhhhh… wind out of our, ummmm, sails ….
But the truth is, they have hit upon an undeniable apocalyptic truth: Even the hottest survivors are going to smell and look like walkers pretty fast.
So that got me thinking, … again.
What kind of men are we going to encounter
in the event of a cataclysmic global zombie outbreak?
And would any of them be worth braving the smell?
The Cop – Andrew Lincoln (Rick Grimes)
Pros: brave, loyal, intelligent
Cons: too honorable; compelled to play the hero
Anyone that falls for our ruggedly handsome hero is bound to have their heart broken. That man’s wife spends how much time alone and worried? Sure, he’s off saving the world. Heck he even knows just the right words to string together to make us all tear up. But is he worth the heartache? It will take an equally tough-as-nails woman to keep the Cop at home base. Even then it might not be enough to save him from his hero complex.
The Sidekick – Steve Yeun (Glenn)
Pros: loyal, brave, funny
Cons: hides emotions behind sarcasm
One will never quite know where she sits with the Sidekick until the emotions reach a fever pitch. That seems to be the only time the façade drops and we get a peek at what’s really doing under the quick wit and boyish charms. And we want to get under there. This boy is H-O-T hot! He is also the type you can take home to your mother, provided that she’s not one of the shambling reanimated corpses chasing after you…
The Redneck – Norman Reedus (Daryl Dixon)
Pros: weapon work, knows how to hunt, fearless
Cons: short-tempered, bigoted
Is there anything hotter than a man with a crossbow? Come on, you’re reading a blog about hot men in the zombie apocalypse, don’t pretend a man with a weapon isn’t doing it for you. While the stereotype of the Redneck generally isn’t classically handsome, he has one or two features that will stand out. We’re suckers for nice eyes and strong arms. Hey, what do you know…
Anyways, as with the Cop it will take a hard-ass woman to lasso the Redneck and put him in his place. His attitude towards women as less than equals may make you wish you could kick him in the jewels. But keep digging, we sense a softer side to him.
The Father – Jeffrey DeMunn (Dale Horvath)
Pros: age, wisdom, serenity, focus
Cons: age, speed, longevity
We’re not saying any of us have a daddy complex, but we did *swoon* a little when the Father figure started talking about his deceased wife. There was love there, the type of love that all of us, men and women alike strive to feel in our lives. That is what is so dang attractive about this gentleman. He sees everything that happens in camp and is chalk full of sage wisdom (think Yoda without the backwards speech pattern). Even if you don’t get romantic with this one, he’d make a wonderful friend at the end of days.
The Other Man – Jon Bernthal (Shane Walsh)
Pros: Strength, courage, quick thinking
Cons: Jealousy, control issues
It was tempting to leave the Other Man out of all of this, but the love triangle present in TWD makes it impossible to turn our heads away from this very, very handsome fellow. We know he’s a feisty lover (thank you writers!). We also know he is good with kids. Or is he? The Other Man spends a lot of effort trying to impress the woman he has his eyes on. For some the attention might be flattering, but try to see his reasoning. If he has the favor of the child, generally a mother will follow suit. For the Other Man it is all about trying to get control in an environment where there is none. He is forceful, domineering, and downright scary when it comes to the rules of the camp. Bet you fifty bucks he’d run his marriage the same way once the honeymoon period was over.
So gun, humor, crossbow, wisdom or the other man?
Well, judging from the evidence the best all around partner would be:
And yes, we argued long and hard over the final choice.
Strategy and intelligence won the day.
… but I think you know which weapon we really wanted to choose …